I am a lifelong motorcyclist and a Motorcycle Safety Foundation certified Instructor/Rider Coach. I teach my students safety and responsibility. My marque of choice is BMW, however I will ride anything on 2 wheels if afforded the opportunity. I've ridden/owned touring bikes, sport bikes, standards and dirt bikes. Riding is a passion and my freedom to ride is something I defend vigorously against all enemies, foreign, domestic and stupid.
Spring is in the air, the onslaught has begun and the stupid are running rampant. While wandering downtown Fredericksburg Thursday, I was treated to no less than five cruiser type motorcycles, six assorted Japanese coupes and three Squids (Squirrely Kids) on crotch rockets rolling down Caroline Street, proving to one and all that their straight pipes, fart cans and throttle blipping are poor substitutions for the inadequate equipment they possess in other areas of their lives.
Now, I readily admit, I am prejudiced against the majority of cruiser type riders. Most are nothing more than sad poseurs, whose only concern is trying to look like the "big, bad lone-wolf" type. ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS: There are millions of you clowns puttering around. You've failed. Move on. Get a life.
To add to this image, they outfit their motorcycles with straight pipes and fly the righteous banner of "loud pipes save lives." When challenged to provide any shred of scientific or empirical data to support their position (which of course does not exist), they pull the old shuck & jive and piously claim their loud pipes are a right.
Sadly, these pathetic excuses for motorcyclists, who unfortunately have the right to modify (albeit illegally) their bikes, don't consider ear splitting exhausts to be the single biggest impediment to true motorcyclist rights. They never think for a moment that the driving public is a much larger voting block than we are and the impression they leave is lasting and negative. Their only concern is trying to look cool and be as obnoxious as possible.
My disdain for the sport bikers almost equals that of the loud pipe crowd. Squids on crotch rockets using the roadways as their own personal race track. Throttle blipping at traffic lights in order to prove...well...something to someone; although it escapes me as to what. I love the contradiction these kids provide. Shorts, flip flops, a tank top and a $500 helmet. I mean...WTF? I tell my students "At least they'll look pretty from the neck up, inside the casket." I do not begrudge them the way they dress for they unknowingly provide endless entertainment with their comedic antics. Sadly though, they are the second biggest impediment to motorcyclist rights. Oblivious to the damage they cause, concerned only with impressing their fellow Squids and the vapid girls who happen to look their way.
The Fart Can crowd has also emerged from their Winter slumber. What is a fart can you ask? It is the over sized tail piece on the muffler of cars (usually some Japanese import) whose 20-something crowd owners, revel in the belief that loud exhausts, a stupid looking spoiler and a plethora of racing stickers on their windows, equates to some type of bad-assed Speed Racer cool image. The reality is oh so different. They are fodder for mockery, ridicule, disdain and never ending jokes.
Spring is not yet officially here, yet the signs are all around. Pollen, fart cans, flowers, straight pipes, mulch, squids, co-eds in shorts and pot holes. The only thing missing are the Thumpers. The gaggle of stereo cruisers that share their music with everyone within 300 yards. Guess the weather isn't quite warm enough for them yet. Soon come though. Soon come.
It is my sincere hope that the local constabulary will pull each and every one of these clowns over and write them a ticket. The more time they spend in court fighting (or paying) their tickets, the less time they spend on the street assaulting city residents.
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